A Guide to the Teenage Mind

I raised a daughter, who is now in her early twenties. We both survived the terrible teens and have moved on. But she still retains much of her teenagernish, if I can invent that term. The world of the teenager obviously begins at 13 and ends at 19, but seems to last for decades. I am an observer of the human mind and spirit and have also had the opportunity to see my friends and relatives teenagers in action. It can be a wondrous and frightening experience.

I remember seeing the “Exorcist” at the movies and watching in horror as Linda Blair, who played the teenager victim, spun her head around and spewed pea soup at the priest. I could swear to you that my daughter had that same look on many occasions. With that said, let me attempt to describe some of what I learned about their behavior as I delve into that enigma known as the teenage mind. Here, in no particular order, are a few thoughts:

• They know more than any adult who has ever lived on the face of the planet.
• They can text message faster than the speed of light.
• They can talk for hours on the phone about absolutely nothing.
• They are very concerned about personal appearance and will do anything at any cost to rectify what they consider a ‘fatal flaw.”
• They can easily fall in and out of relationships, depending on which way the wind is blowing.
• They shun politics and the news, unless it involves a celebrity that are interested in.
• They enjoy their music and find it amazing that any adult can’t relate to what they like.
• They can drive while on the cell phone, changing the radio station, and talking to a friend in the back seat all the while looking for a fast food joint.
• In a related item, they think that the rear view mirror was invented for putting on makeup.
• They think that their parents are way clueless, until they need something from them.
• They can’t imagine a world without MP3’s, cell phones with cameras and American Idol.
• They think that anyone over thirty is ancient.
• They pick clothes based on what they think other people will think of them.
• They will work only when necessary and hope that money really does grow on trees.
• They would rather stay up until 2 AM and sleep until noon than have a regular schedule.
• They think the word party is a God-given right.
• They can make their own bed but haven’t figured out why.
• They will clean their room only if threatened or if a friend is coming to see them.
• They think that the WB, MTV, and VH1 was invented by a teen for the teen.
• They can’t understand why the world doesn’t revolve around them. If not, it should.

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Jeffrey Hauser was a sales consultant for the Bell System Yellow Pages for nearly 25 years. He graduated from Pratt Institute with a BFA in Advertising and has a Master's Degree in teaching. He had his own advertising agency in Scottsdale, Arizona and ran a consulting and design firm, ABC Advertising. He has authored 6 books and a novel, "Pursuit of the Phoenix." His latest book is, "Inside the Yellow Pages" which can be seen at his website, www.poweradbook.com. Currently, he is the Marketing Director for www.thenurseschoice.com a Health Information and Doctor Referral site.

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