A Valentine Story: The Love of My Life

I have fallen deeply in love three times during my life so far and they were all intense affairs that ended with unresolved feelings. The first time was with my ex-husband. It lasted 33 years and was a rollercoaster of incredible proportions, marked by some great loving, caring and appreciation at the beginning, with resentment, anger and frustration at the end. When we finally parted there was still a lot of attraction but much sadness between us.

Halfway through my marriage, during a particularly rocky time of womanising by my partner, especially with my best friend, I took refuge with my sister abroad and fell instantly in love with someone I didn't even want to meet. George was incredible in his adoration of me and, though I too was deeply attracted, I was not yet mature enough to deal with this sudden onslaught of new emotions. My Catholic upbringing also ensured that a stamp of disapproval would have been placed on anything that might have developed and I retreated in some confusion. I had no intention of leaving my marriage and the U.K., and thus ignored my feelings – with some difficulty, despite George being steadfast in his pursuit of me. He even flew unexpectedly all the way from Canada to prise me away with a proposal in the classroom where I was teaching! Having seen his perceived ideal, he was not going to relinquish her easily.

Though he was very resourceful and caring, I don't think I was looking for another partner at that time. I didn't know it then, but I was suffering from the classic form of rejection. I welcomed affirmation and attention, but got much more than I bargained for! From Canada he pursued me for a few years until he realised I was not going to budge. Twenty-five years later, when I was single again, this fascinating man would, once more, unexpectedly declare his love for me. But I do not believe in going backwards in time and, as flattered as I was, I had already learnt the lesson he taught me. As a result, I left well alone.

And then there was David.

Unfinished Business

I knew him for only two years of my life, after leaving my marriage, and fought off his attentions for three months before agreeing to meet him, but he has had the most profound effect on me since, much more than I can ever comprehend. I suppose we have some unfinished business because when we 'parted' it was in the most loving way possible. The moment was not an ideal one for us to fall in love because of our circumstances, but one can never dictate what will happen next in one's life. So I accept it with grace and gratitude because he came into my life at precisely the right moment.

For me, David is the love of my life. He inspired my first book on relationships (Money, Sex and Compromise) but, even more so, he inspired this important one too. If I were to score him using the 10 Steps in this book, he would get at least eight, as well as scoring 90 per cent as regards satisfying my top five values! No one else I have met has come even close to that. In fact, we liked doing quizzes and always scored very highly with regard to one another, even when we completed them separately. I recall writing in my diary one day that, 'David is 10 per cent short of heaven'! I was incredibly happy during our friendship, just wanting to smile all the time, feeling alive and fulfilled. In short, he came close to being what I regard as MY ideal soulmate, and might well, unconsciously, act as a litmus test for any others to come.

Tall, slim, distinguished and good-looking, resilient, brainy and very successful, David was in a class of his own because he knew who he was and revelled in being himself (Step one). Professionally, he knew what he wanted (Step two) and was working steadfastly towards attaining it. He also knew what he stood for, and could defend it with passion (Step Three), but was happy enough in hs own skin to allow me to be what I wanted too without feeling threatened.

I remember the discussions we had regarding the Iraq War (he was for, I was against). I had a counterpoint for every point he made and he often found it frustrating when he failed to affect my views on the possible outcomes. However, at the end of each 'debate', after agreeing to differ, he would hug me, look deeply into my eyes, tell me how 'beautiful and intelligent' I was, and that he just wanted to love me. It was an amazing relationship of reciprocity, mutual reinforcement and mutual affirmation.

Intense Bonding

Best of all, David fulfilled the three main areas of attraction almost 100 per cent (Step Four). The physical chemistry between us was often so overpowering, we just wanted to touch and hold each other all the time. As he said, we were like 'two magnets' unable to keep themselves apart from one another, feelings that generated great passion and excitement between us. The emotional bonding being unusually deep, it fuelled an intense desire to communicate (Step Five) and connect with each other at every possible moment. We spent hours on the telephone each day. Even when I went to visit my sisters in Jamaica for four weeks, the calls continued almost daily. By the last week of my holiday, he was missing me so much the length if the calls had stretched to over an hour each day!

The intellectual fit between us was also outstanding too – an engineer with his logical and analytical approach, firmly rooted in inanimate form and structure, matched easily with the social fixer, her love of people and adept skills in social interaction. We complemented each other superbly in many other ways.

He liked to challenge my views on fate, destiny and spirituality, in order to gain a greater understanding of them and to convince himself of their worth, while I also challenged his seemingly cold, mechanical and pragmatic view of the world. Considering that we were both in our mid-50s, and virtually 'chalk and cheese', this was some incredible, unexpected love affair across cultures, across race and across perspectives.

We behaved like teenagers, enveloped in the sheer joy and passion of such a satisfying relationship – a kind only dreamt of at this late stage of our lives.

Fantastic Warmth

We had few expectations of each other (Step Four), allowing for individual growth and the unfolding of our characters without seeking to change anything in one another. We accepted our faults and foibles as part of the overall attraction, They were key parts of our personalities, which made us the unique people we were. We also liked the flexibility to appreciate the imperfect within us.

David was the most skilled listener I had ever come across (Step Five), and seemed to truly revel in his curiosity. He never forgot anything he heard and was always back with a follow-up question. He took great pride, and a keen interest, in my work and my aspirations, always wanting to know the details of my day, or the state of my latest project. Nothing was too good to do for me or to give me. He also liked to suggest an alternative solution to any dilemma, especially if he felt I needed one.

We respected and trusted each other greatly (Step Nine), and often discussed former partners and what they had taught us. There was also his wonderful, dead-pan sense of humour (Step Four), his devilish chuckle and mesmerising green eyes – but that’s another story! I felt truly wanted, appreciated and loved..

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - www.myspace.com/elaineone) is an expert author, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University, Elaine is a CONSULTANT for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Dynamic extrovert with a passion for living and people. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully and b>10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate! (which are both available on www.amazon.co.uk). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Achievement Awards.

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated