Adult ADD: Organizing the Outside?

If you have ADD, you probably need to control what's going on around you because there's so much going on inside. Non-ADD people don't understand this, and when it comes to a relationship partner, the need for this control may come across as jealousy and domination. That's not good, and not too many partners would put up with this behavior trait. So, how can ADD people who fall into this trap adjust so there is no miscommunication?

If you have ADD you may like to know where your partner is going to be during the day, what his or her plans are. Do you find yourself asking partners, “Wait, what are you doing?” "Where are you going?" or something similar? This may cause them to feel as though you're just trying to stop them from doing what they want to do, and that you're being nosy. Everyone, ADD or no, male or female, has to have some personal space.

But there's a reason you may want to know these things.

ADD people, in general, like to know what the people around them are doing and when, so that they don’t feel like there’s this chaotic movement going on around them. They need to know that there’s ordered movement going on around them and they can know what to expect.

If you can explain to your partner, he or she may realize, “Well… there’s somebody who cares about what I’m doing all day and who cares about me enough to know what’s going on with me." They may be able to understand your ADD better from that perspective.

Maybe they can give you an overview of what they're planning for the day, in general terms. That may make you feel better. For instance, your husband may say to you, "I'm going to play golf today." But most golf outings involve more than just playing golf. Maybe he's planning to have a drink with his golfing partners after the game, or perhaps he's dropping off dry cleaning or having a haircut while he's out, too. But by not making him cough up every little detail, he doesn't feel like he's "reporting in," and you feel better because you're just thinking about him playing golf.

Every now and then, though, there will be times when your partner will say, “Okay, this morning, I need some free time where I’m going to just go do whatever I want and you’re not going to be able to know what I’m doing and you’re not going to be able to ask me because I need that freedom today. I know that will be a challenge for you, but I really appreciate it ahead of time that you’re going to deal with that.” You have to accept that, and you have to agree that you won't interrupt until a specified time. But your partner should also try not to leave things open-ended. “Okay, I need a free morning,” will probably drive you nuts. If you help them to see what the ADD-induced problem is, and they care for you, they'll already know that and try to be cooperative.

But you really need to separate these ADD issues out. You need to make your non-ADD partner understand what having ADD means. You're not trying to be nosy, controlling, and manipulative. And that's going to be a fairly hard row to hoe, until your partner understands ADD. Simply say, “Okay… In an ADD-er’s mind, there's chaotic activity. When something just happens and the ADD person is interrupted, it’s very upsetting." It all boils down to anxiety, and ADD people just end up being all anxiety-ridden over what’s coming next.

The way people with ADD deal with situations like this is by over-thinking—and for a lot of people with ADD this turns into things like jealousy and it turns into things like being paranoid. Things go way over the edge when you allow your mind to just go crazy trying to figure out where someone is, what they’re doing, and et cetera. The way to solve that is when you have one of these planned chunks of time, you just do something that you already are able to hyperfocus on. Do something you’re already obsessed with.

This allows your brain something entirely off-topic to fixate and focus on so you just don’t need to think about it. It’s very simple and it gives everybody the freedom that they need to do what they want to do.

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

Tellman Knudson, certified Hypnotherapist, is CEO of Overcome Everything, Inc. Stephanie Frank is an internationally known speaker and author of "The Accidental Millionaire." Find out if you have adult ADD. Take the ADD test at InstantADDSuccess.com.

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