Conversational Corrections That Invalidate People

I have been observing couples and their conversations recently and I have made an interesting discovery, one I am sure that applies to you and your partner. If it doesn’t your relationship is truly one in a million. I haven’t given this tendency a name yet but hopefully by the end of this article I will have figured something out that is reflective and insightful.

It goes something like this.

He: “About three weeks ago………”
She: “It was just last week.”
She: “That movie was at least two hours long.”
He: “It was only an hour and a half.”

I could go on. Today there will be millions of conversations that will mimic this conversational tendency. Two things; does it really matter in the end, no matter what is being discussed? And, what are the long-term consequences of this need to correct others in the mundane and unimportant conversational details of life?

Well, in the end I don’t think that most of these mild corrections really matter. In the grand scheme of things what difference does it really make whether the move was 90 or 120 minutes long? During a recent social dinner outing with another couple I decided to count. During this two hour meal each partner corrected the other a total of 35 times. We are not talking about rocket science stuff here where the need for accuracy is critical. We are talking about simple and often unimportant life details that in the end really don’t matter one way or the other.

I started thinking, why was this necessary? Why do people feel the need to correct their partner? Ego, the need to be right, control, an insane focus on what was correct? Or some other hidden psychological motive? Since I don’t have a degree in psychology I can’t answer that, but I can tell you as the recipient of these kind of relentless corrections during my life that I soon arrived at the point that I wanted to be around my partner as little as possible.

I can hear some of you now, “Tim you are making a big deal out of nothing. It’s just life’s trivia.” Maybe yes and maybe no. All I can tell you is how this persistent behavior makes me feel. Why contribute. Why talk. Why engage when sooner or later the need for correction from the other person will emerge.

As an interesting sidebar, I have also noticed that when a group of guys or gals get together this same conversational tendency isn’t followed. There is no need for her to correct one of her friends nor he one of his. It seems that this tends to only happen when two spouses are sharing either in private or when they are among friends at a social gathering.

I am not an expert on anything. But I do know a little bit about a number of subjects and when my expertise (a simple point or detail) on one of these is corrected by someone with less knowledge on the subject that is being discussed, I do tend to get somewhat annoyed. Do I fight back? Make a stand? Do I let them have their way? Do I pick my battles? Do I just shut up and forget it? Do I suck it in and smile? Do I make a big deal of nothing?

I know I am not being much help here. All I can tell you is that over time this constant need to correct will take its toll on the intimacy, respect, openness and vulnerability in the relationship. So, what do I call this tendency? Let’s call it the ‘Correction Syndrome’ – clever huh?

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 3500 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 60 books including; Soft Sell, That’s Life, Peace Of Mind, 91 Challenges Managers Face Today and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com, 704-895-1230 or visit his website at www.timconnor.com.

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