Divorce To Remarriage: "I've Been Slimed!" Your Ghost Busting How To Guide!

By virtue of this being a remarriage, at least one of you has been married before. That means there's at least one ex-spouse lingering in the background. Even if you haven't been married before, odds are that you too have a few skeletons hiding in your closet. It's real easy for couples to just sweep these "ghosts" under the rug and pretend these past relationships don't matter anymore or have any current bearing on our lives. Well, that's just about the worst thing you can possibly do.

Past relationships have helped to define who you are right now, good, bad or ugly. We change as a result of every relationship we are in (and I don't just mean the romantic ones.) Acknowledging the impact that these formerly important people played in your life is the first step to truly moving past them so that the "ghosts" from that relationship don't come back to haunt this new one.

You need to take an inventory on the history of that relationship:

· What initially attracted you to that person?

· What did you enjoy in the relationship?

· What did you learn?

· How did the ending of that relationship affect you?

· How are you still being affected by that relationship?

Don't be so quick to blow off that last question. These things may be very subtle. Did they cheat on you, and now you’re a little leery of trusting? Did they control the finances making you hyper-sensitive to new questions about how you spend your money?

These are the ways that those pesky ghosts sneak in. If you don't pay attention to the nagging feelings they bring with them, you end up just letting them waltz right in and mess up your current relationship.

So how do you become a Ghost Buster? First and foremost you've got to recognize a ghost when you see it! Typically, your partner will have a better eye for this than you. It will be comments from your partner such as:

· "Where is this coming from?"

· "I don't understand why you are so upset about this."

· "I never knew you felt this strongly."

When you hear comments such as these, STOP!! Take a minute to evaluate why you are feeling or reacting the way you are. Is this a ghost from the past rearing it's ugly head? Are these fears you're experiencing really related to your current partner or something from your past?

After realizing your reaction is from a ghost, you need to bust it!! This isn't just a one time thing though. Talk to your partner. Explain to them honestly what is going on with you and how your past is interfering with your present. Reassure them of your feelings for them and ask for understanding as you deal with this specter from your past. Acknowledging its presence and then seeking support from your current partner are the best ways possible of getting rid of that old ghost once and for all!

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

Visit RemarriageSuccess.com for more information on how to prepare as a couple and a family for remarriage. Check out our new 2 book set "THE 7 Questions to Ask Before Saying 'I Do' Again to learn more about how best to prepare your family for remarriage. Alyssa Johnson, MSW, LCSW is the founder and CEO of Remarriage Success. She may be reached through her website at remarriagesuccess.com/contact.htm where she encourages your feedback and suggestions.

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