Escaping the Power of Lies

Lying: Obviously not a trait that one hopes for in a potential mate. Lying: A possible form of mistreatment in a relationship that can have you questioning you own sanity. Unfortunately, if in a relationship with a person who is incapable of being honest with you, their lies can take you on a terrible ride of emotional distress. Someone who is dishonest in their core being has the power of manipulating an unsuspecting victim, producing almost a brainwashing type effect and ultimately leaving them questioning their own abilities to judge right from wrong.

There is no clear-cut way of establishing why a person may be a chronic liar. Everyone is so very different, the reasons can range from treatment they received as a child that has carried over into adulthood and can extend into the confusing and baffling case of a person lying for no logical reason. Perhaps the person’s purpose was an attempt to obtain something from you, something you would not offer, had you known the truth. A person may simply be dishonest, selfish and unworthy of your love and their lying is an attempt to hold together a relationship that would not stand, if honesty was only acceptable choice. In the case of escaping the emotional hell of what this type of person is capable of doing to you, it does not matter why they are lying.

Do not waste any of your precious time trying to find reason in their unreasonable world. You most probably will never find the answers you seek. The answers hide within the person who is lying to you, and this most certainly will not be a source from which you will obtain any rational knowledge. Once accepting that fact, truly acknowledging this, you must let the urge to know “why” leave and you must replace it with the next step. It is of importance to understand what happens to the emotional state of a person who is the victim of a manipulative liar.

If you feel you may be in a relationship in which the other person is strongly misleading you, it is important to understand what is happening. You may be at the point that you are questioning your own judgment and you are not sure if you are paranoid or if you are the victim of lies. A calculating person can have you confused, bewildered and unable to see the relationship for what it truly is.

Lying is a demon that usually sneaks up slowly. All liars must begin with one initial lie. This is the starting point; that crucial moment when the person lying will learn if they can get away with it. It may start as a small lie, perhaps something inconsequential, that does not have a severe impact to the relationship. You are in love, so you are not questioning the other person’s motives or words. Your feelings of love causes you to casually accept what the other person is saying to you. After all, they have not yet given you a reason to question them. Not yet, being the key words.

Once a chronic liar has placed their first lie, this is the first domino in their game. In their mind, this initial lie is part of the cement that will hold all the other lies. Having a small lie received with no difficulty, gives the offender the belief that they are clever and cunning enough to try again. The victim has unknowingly stepped into the trap.

The second lie, third lie and perhaps fourth lie will be a bit larger than the initial one. These lies can range from an excuse as to why they did not call when they promised and extending to lies of their whereabouts. It may be at this point that things do not seem “quite right” to you. You may feel a twinge of suspicion, however when in a serious relationship, you feel it is inappropriate to rush to a wrong conclusion. The lies have now been placed onto the cement foundation.

When the other person is playing an emotional game and their lies are the basis for obtaining whatever illogical goal they have, the lies will be told more rapidly and larger as the weeks and months move on. Unfortunately, the victim, already believing the initial lies, has given the perpetrator a belief of superiority and control. It is sad, indeed, when one person is giving out love and the other is giving out deceit. Time has moved on, the relationship appears stronger in the victim’s eyes and unfortunately, the game does not quite end here.

At this point, the victim may begin to make inquiries. When being lied to, even by the most cunning of liars, one most certainly will eventually have the feeling that something is wrong. Maybe not in full awareness of exactly what is out of place; one will know that the words of the other person do not always make sense. This is the crucial turning point. One of two things will happen in this time. The victim will realize the relationship is lacking honesty and they will leave the relationship, or in a blind state of love, the victim will hope that there is somehow a reasonable reason for the behavior of the other and they will stay.

Emotional stress will begin to mount in the victim at this time. A chronic liar can only come up with so many plausible excuses for whatever it is that they are hiding. The victim will begin the stage of wondering if they are seeing things correctly. How can you be sure? The answer is simple. If the other person in the relationship is consistently telling you things that simply do not make sense, this is a sign you are in this phase. Life is not perfect, it is normal for all of us to have “off” days, perhaps days in which strange events occur. However, it is improbable and inconceivable if you are being told illogical things on a reoccurring basis. If the other person has seemingly bizarre excuses for their behavior and this has become the norm, it is not normal.

Most reasonable people do not repeatedly question others. If you find yourself having to ask many questions in an attempt to understand the “story” being told to you, it is not normal. If the words said to you make no logical sense, if it seems very apparent that they are lying but each time you question them, they create a new excuse and it is a continuous snowball, it is a clear sign that the other is not able to have an honest conversation. Normal, everyday conversations with a loved one should be stress free. Normal conversations should not leave you bewildered. If one does not back away from the relationship at this point, and continues to stay despite the signs of being lied too, it is at this point that the strong manipulation can occur..

If the relationship has made it this far, the victim of the lies has almost certainly made it clear that they are not happy with the reasoning of the liar. They have probably accused the other of lying, and perhaps even pleaded for the truth. If wanting the relationship to last, the victim may express the need for honesty and tell the other that they need this element for the relationship to continue. However, the key here is that the victim is still in the relationship. This is showing the liar that despite questioning, despite being under suspicion, they their lies are ultimately acceptable.

How does the liar create the manipulation to keep the victim in the relationship? By reversing blame: one of the ultimate emotional games. When confronted with suspicion, the liar will attempt to “turn the tables”. They will attempt to make the victim feel guilty for “even thinking such a thought”. They may tell the victim that they are in shock from the accusation of lying. They may tell the victim they love them, and would never do such a horrible thing as to lie. The liar may even swear on everything good and holy, on deceased loved ones and on their eyesight; but it is all a lie. This manipulation is done in a final attempt to make the victim believe they are paranoid.

The victim may be told that they are overly jealousy or overly curious and need to correct that “flaw”. The victim can manipulated to feel as if they somehow are the one to create friction and problems in the relationship; that their questioning is causing turmoil. If the manipulation is strong enough, the victim may even feel they are losing their sanity. They may question their own ability to make judgments. Everything the victim correctly interprets as wrong, their loved one sternly tells them is indeed correct. With everything seemingly turned upside-down, the victim will feel confused. If vulnerable and feeling the strong need for love, the victims may even find themselves apologizing for any accusations.

It is at this time, that one of two things will happen. The victim will stay persuaded into believing they are to blame or the victim will open their eyes to the unpleasant but realistic fact that they manipulated and lied to. As in most difficult times of a person’s life, the correct road to take is the hardest road to take.

When you love another person, when you have invested a large amount of time, emotion and your very being into the relationship, it is sometimes easier to give in and believe the liar’s excuses. It is far easier to believe that somehow, despite all of the illogical and unreasonable behavior displayed and sometimes the blatant lies you hear that by some means you are mistaken. Finally admitting that the person you love has been betraying you is the beginning of finally taking the step to ending the relationship. To admit that the person you love has been manipulating you as if you were a puppet, can be emotionally shattering. It can also be freeing.

While taking in a deep breath, allow yourself to stand back a bit and the truth of the relationship may take on a different form. As a victim, in your heart you know the qualities you desire in a mate. You know that being the kind and caring person that you are that you deserve love, respect, kindness and honesty. Despite how much you felt you were in love, or feel you still are in love, was this the person the one that you have been dreaming of? Or more fittingly, was this person was not and they were someone that you wished they would be?

You never hoped for a deceitful mate. You never longed for a relationship that led to misery. You never listed “liar” as a trait you were looking for in a person. You most probably entered the relationship with an open heart and an open mind. A scheming person took advantage of your trust and they betrayed you.

. You can never gain back the weeks, months or years lost to this relationship. No one has the capability to redo the past. However, you can be strong enough to take away the power of lies from the other person. If you walk away, and they do not have you as a target, you have stripped them of their power. Their feeling of supremacy will be gone. All of the effort of their lies will come to a crashing halt. All of the time that they invested was in vain. They will be left alone to face the burden of their immoral ways. You will walk away knowing you will never have that burden on your shoulders.

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

Writen by Alisa Chagnon, freelance writer. Ghostwriting services also available. Alisa31215@yahoo.com Dependable, consistent and reasonable fees.

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