Finding Your Ideal Mate(6) - Increasing Your Opportunities For Attention

It is very important to know yourself otherwise you could be ambiguous in your choices. Some people may say they want ‘an independent-thinking, self-directed partner, who is successful in his own career’. In reality, they want someone who will take care of them or be the parent they never had. After all, when we love someone, we do not tie that love to the size of their wallet, or expect financial contribution as a condition of our love.

The strengths both parties bring to the new partnership should actually provide the teamwork to achieve what they both require. We often deceive ourselves, as well as others, in painting that false personal image but, while we can deceive ourselves forever, we can only deceive some of the people some of the time. All too soon, we get found out, and most likely when we least expect it. So, just be yourself, warts and all. Being yourself is usually the most attractive part of you! You emphasise that uniqueness.

Increase your opportunities by joining clubs you enjoy. Or dating agencies which enhance who you are and also reflect whom you are looking for. What do you really enjoy as a hobby? Football? Salsa dancing? Opera? Ballet? Reggae? Cooking? Yoga? Painting? Formula-1 racing? Horseback riding? Scrabble? Bridge? Chess? Begin to participate in whatever you like, especially in an arena where single people of both genders are bound to be present. By getting involved in activities which interest you, you can expect to have a good time, even if, initially, you do not meet someone appealing.

Do not waste your time going to places where you feel uncomfortable and where the odds may be stacked against you. For example, I am not a pub person, particularly because I do not smoke or drink. I would much rather play contract whist, cards, Scrabble or trivia, go walking, dancing or reading, attend recitals or the theatre. I am more likely to find someone I like while doing any of those activities than being in a pub feeling out of place, wishing and hoping that Mr Right will walk in.

Use a Dating Service, Where Possible
Often it is a reluctance to accept what really makes us happy, especially when we want to keep up with the Joneses, to impress our peer group, or to follow them religiously, that leads us to the wrong partners. By being ourselves at all times it allows people to gradually feel comfortable with us. Whether they like us or not, they will always know where we stand, which is likely to increase our credibility and respect in their eyes.

Promote yourself through a dating service if there are few other options available. If you are religious, or a member of a church or temple, you have a much better opportunity to meet someone of your background or interests than many other people, without having to do too much about it. But, in today’s impersonal and professional age, promoting yourself becomes crucial if you are not part of an active community group. That is guaranteed to narrow the field and to help you identify and focus on the types you are seeking.

Registering with an agency, either off- or on-line, for example, one which specialises in ‘professionals’, ‘executives’ or ‘writers’, will attract people in those fields almost exclusively, rather than a general dating agency which appeals to everyone. However, do make sure the ones you choose are reputable. This can be done simply by doing a guest search online or seeking second opinions to assess what type of people use that particular service. Check the credibility of any print publication and the quality of its adverts. Do the types of people you are seeking advertise in that medium?

Above all, avoid totally FREE dating sites. There is nothing free about them. You pay with the loss of your email address which they use to send all over the place, which then increases your spam, or to send you stuff you don't want. Better to trial a paying site to see whether you wish to join than you go for a free site which attracts the wrong kind for you. If you are really serious about finding your mate, you should be prepared to pay for your search because it is the value you get for that money, not the actual price that matters.

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

ELAINE SIHERA (Ms Cyprah - www.myspace.com/elaineone and www.elainesihera.co.uk) is an expert author, public speaker, media contributor and columnist. The first Black graduate of the OU and a post-graduate of Cambridge University. Elaine is a CONFIDENCE guru and a consultant for Diversity Management, Personal Empowerment and Relationships. Author of: 10 Easy Steps to Growing Older Disgracefully; 10 Easy Steps to Finding Your Ideal Soulmate!; Money, Sex & Compromise and Managing the Diversity Maze, among others (available on www.amazon.co.uk as well as her personal website). Also the founder of the British Diversity Awards and the Windrush Men and Women of the Year Achievement Awards. She describes herself as, "Fit, Fabulous, Over-fifty and Ready to Fly!"

Please Rate this Article

5 out of 54 out of 53 out of 52 out of 51 out of 5 

Not yet Rated