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Communication is the key to any relationship, which makes it the key to success in almost any aspect of our lives. Successful businessmen usually have good communication skills. A good relationship between a man and a woman is usually based on good communication, and so are relationships between friends, maneuvers in politics, and anything else involving people. Good communication lets us achieve our goals, which leaves us satisfied, and therefore less stressed. You can write an entire library about communication and its many aspects, but I’d like to talk about the foundation stone of communication – listening. Listen to the person who’s talking to you. That’s the most important part. Listen out of an honest desire to understand what the other is trying to say. Most people don’t really listen. At the best of times, they hear, and even that’s not always true. So how can you be a better listener? 1. Listen to the other person, not to yourself Listening is about listening to what’s being said, not to whatever’s going on in your head when you think about what you’re hearing. Most of us have a tendency to listen to whatever goes on in our minds (thoughts that are triggered by what’s being said), and then the answers we give relate to our inner conversations, not to what the other person actually said. Many times, we think we already know what our partner-in-conversation is going to say, before they’ve even finished talking. Then we reply to OUR assumptions, which may have nothing to do with what our partner really said, and are therefore totally not to the point. All this, because we didn’t listen. A very simple way to make sure that we’re both hearing and listening is to ask the other person if what we thought they said is what they actually intended to say. Doing this will show us how often we understood “A” while the other person was talking about “B”. Why does this happen? It happens because we interpret whatever’s being said according to our views. Asking is a very simple technique, and it seems almost too obvious to even be considered, but this is where we can avoid most of the misunderstandings we come across. 2. People change – give them a chance Another good idea is to not assume that we already know the other person, and therefore we know what they’re going to say. Yes, even if we’ve lived with them for years. People have the right to change, and think and say new things. Change is the most permanent element of life, and even those closest to us change all the time. Let people change. Don’t treat them as if they are exactly the same as they were last week. Assume that they might be different today. You might even discover new, more exciting people in your life. 3. Devote all of your attention to the other person When we listen, we should put all of our attention into listening. Even though some of us may have the ability to do several things at once, we still can’t listen fully when we’re doing other things. If you’re busy, and someone wants to talk to you, tell them: "Just a minute. I’ll finish this, and then you’ll have my undivided attention." 4. Sharing vs. asking for advice Don’t assume the person who’s talking to you wants the same things you would in the same situation. This is true in general, and especially true between men and women: Some people tell you things just because they want to share. They don’t want your advice or your help. They’re venting. Other people talk when they want a solution to their problems. And some people may just want to share today, and resent you if you try to offer advice, yet tomorrow they’ll want your help. If we’re not sure what’s expected of us, why not ask? "Do you want my advice? Or do you just want me to listen?" You have no idea how much people yearn for someone to listen to them. Really listen. And when you listen, you will see how to work things out, because you will finally understand what the other person means. There'll be less fighting and arguing, and more of getting what everyone wants. Don't you think listening's worth it?
Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com
Dvora Ifat and Shunit Ben-Tzvi are co-authors of "No Stress! How to Save Tons of Money on Shrinks and Doctors - Just by Reducing Stress!", a web authority on stress management and relief. www.nostressebook.com
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