Marriage and Love

It is hard to imagine that a marriage without love. Needless to say, without love, a marriage relationship would be meaningless and purposeless. There is no single person who could get married without love.

The definition of love may vary from person to person. Love can be everything to you but may be nothing to me. To some love is compassion, to some it is care and to some others it is concern...etc. However, most of us should agree that love means one should dedicate his/her time and effort to the one he/she loves. It is especially important in a marriage. To keep a good marriage relationship, tenderness, kindness, solace and so many other nice feelings are all originated from love.

Can you imagine a marriage without love? A marriage relationship without love would be meaningless and purposeless. You would not know whom you are living for and what you would achieve by being with a partner who is incapable of love. What does it take to develop a capability to love? You have to learn to love yourself first.

You may wonder how self-love helps your marriage. If you try yourself hard to love yourself and your other half, your attitudes and approach will be changed as well. Some certain abilities involved in the love will be extended to your spouse: you will understand the way he feels and what he needs, you will express yourself bravely without reservation, you will listen to him patiently without giving any judgment to interrupt him while he talks, you will take it as a good opportunity to improve yourself whenever he makes a criticism, you will let him to do anything he wants as long as it won't harm your relationship.

When you are capable of showing the above qualities, a sense of deep intimacy is achieved between you and your husband. You might have conflicts, because no two people can live without differences. But these qualities will make both of you deal with conflicts in positive ways. You would handle your conflicts in a healthy way where you do not forego your own needs. This kind of freedom will build a stronger bond between the two of you. In fact conflicts make your relationship stronger than breaking it.

How do you build your capability to love your spouse? To love your spouse in healthy ways, you can do the following:

1. Take him as a separate human being with valid needs and emotions in life.

2.Allow him to hold his own point of view which is different than yours.

3.Accept the way he acts and what he is, since he is a product of his life circumstances just like you.

4.Be more understanding and accept that his views are important to him as much as your views are important to you.

5.In spite of differences of opinion just learn to agree to disagree.

6.Do not try to snatch his freedom.

7.In case he disagrees, let it be. Don't try to fight against and hurt your relationship.

8.Be patient and loving to your spouse, do not demand for his attention or love. Though this is hard, his love and attention means everything to you. Love never comes on demand.

9.To improve your relationship, do something for him and the only reason is that you love him.

A couple should treat each other with mutual respect and regard. Your policy should be that of give respect and take respect. If you do not respect your partner, how can you expect him to respect you? Mutual respect and regard would make the couple bond closer to each other. If you become aware and correct the above qualities you should be able to develop intimacy.

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