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So the news is out. Your best friend’s sister’s cousin’s daughter’s next door neighbor’s dog walker’s husband’s got cancer. And the news is bad. It’s Stage 4, and it’s metastasized. He doesn’t have long to live. You just saw the man two days ago, and he didn’t look sick. You want to know how can this be. So you go out of your way to contact this woman. Why not? You need information. And you need it fast.Pardon me. I know you mean well, and you wouldn’t swat a fly on a hot dog at a picnic, but if you really care about your own self respect, and I think you do or you wouldn’t be reading this, you’ll keep silent. For now.Here’s what to say/what not to say to the soon to be nearly newly widowed:Don’t say, where is the cancer? What kind of cancer is it? What is the prognosis? Was he a smoker? Did he drink? These questions have nothing to do with the price of linen. And they hurt.If you must say something, the next time you see the NNW, say I love you. Extend one hand and politely ask can I give you a hug? Let this woman know she’s in control of her situation. If she wants to talk, she will. If she wants to confide in you, you won’t have to push or press.Don’t say, how long are you married?How long a couple is united in matrimony is a non-issue. So button your lip.Don’t say are you on medication? Are you seeing a psychiatrist?Really. Is this any of your business?Say, you look good. Say, I wish I had your complexion. Compliment her hair.Say, can I watch the baby? Can I walk the dog? while you accompany your husband to the outpatient clinic for a chemotherapy treatment.Be aware though this woman may not show it, she is in pain.Validate the NNW.Give her permission to be the best she can be. At this time.Give her space.Do not judge.Do not comment. Think bobble head in rear car window in front of you at stop light.I know it’s not easy keeping quiet when you think you got something good to say. Think ice skater shooting a puck the size of a small rock into a net with a wooden stick. We wanna holler, stamp our feet, shout, shake our fists, and tell that guy how to do it. Until reminded by Mr. Referee that in order for the hockey player to score a goal, spectators must stand back, and keep off the ice.So try to remember at least three things about what to say/what not to say as outlined above. If you do, you’ll feel good about yourself and you just might score a hat trick with the nearly newly widowed.
Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com
Linda Della Donna is a freelance writer and supports new widows through the grief process. Della Donna makes her home 20 miles north from where the World Trade Center used to be with her small dog, Izzy and his little cat, Tux. Be sure to receive a copy of Della Donna’s FREE E-Book, Treasury of Quotations by visiting her web site - www.littleredmailbox.com - and filling out the opt-in box. You can learn more about Della Donna by reading her blog - www.griefcase.blogspot.com - Need an interview? Perhaps you have a different writing assignment. Feel free to contact Della Donna at linda@littleredmailbox.com. She’s waiting to hear from you.
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