Trust In The Workplace - Why We Lie

Like it or not, believe it or not, we bring our biology and biography to work, i.e., we bring our "family" to work. It's a fact of (psychological) life at work. Much of the way we act at work is a function of how we were raised.

So, at work, most of the folks we encounter, in some way, (unconsciously - emotionally, energetically and psychologically) remind us of members of our families. And, so, we relate to them based on this, often unconscious, dynamic.

As young children we learned to act/respond in ways that (1) brought us mommy and daddy's love, approval, acceptance and acknowledgment and/or (2) kept us safe from harm, trauma or abuse. As children, it's also a fact of life that everyone is "wounded", or hurt or traumatized by parents or primary caregivers who are doing their best, but, nevertheless — unintentionally — are wounding, harming or traumatizing their child in some way through their language, judgments, criticisms, verbal, emotional or physical abuse. This is true even in households where everything was just "beautiful and loving and no one raised their voice. In childhood, wounding occurs.

Thus the child grows up with an imprint on his/her brain and carries an emotional make-up that translates into feelings that s/he is deficient, lacking,or not good enough, etc., in some way. As the child grows into adolescence, s/he knows ns/he needs to think and act in certain ways to protect him/herself from others’ real or perceived disapproval, negative judgment, criticism or verbal or physical harm.

So, fast-forward to adult life, life at work (and, truth be told, life at home and at play). Since most folks who have not done personal work are unaware of these childhood experiences and resulting psychodynamics, many folks are really acting out their 3-4-5 year old emotional selves in adult clothes and adult bodies — especially those who insist, "Hey I am adult; I am mature, I am! I am! I am!

So, when these individuals face people, circumstances or events at work that can affect whether or not they receive the energetic, emotional and psychological equivalent of "mommy or daddy's" love, acceptance or approval, their knee-jerk reptilian brain reaction compels them to "do what it takes” to get it. So, consciously and unconsciously, feeling deficient, feeling lacking and afraid that truth-telling will end in some type of "punishment", disapproval or lack of recognition, they resort to lying as one option or defense against "being punished" and losing the love and acceptance they truly want and are seeking.

When folks do personal growth and spiritual awareness work, and discover the way they have worn masks, veils, and put on false personalities, to cover up the "I'm deficient" or "I'm not good enough" or "I need to make people like me" beliefs and self-images, and get to the truth of why they are who they are as adults, they can shed their self-limiting beliefs, their masks and their need to lie. They begin to see the false self-images they created to protect themselves, and learn how to "show up" as authentic, as their true and real self and basically, in this circumstance, "tell the truth" first, to themselves and then, to others.

From this place of emotional, psychological and spiritual maturation, a place where the "truth sets one free", folks move to a place of being real, a place they experience as refreshing, light, and honest where trust is built into one's relationships. In this place, people see no need for duplicity, disingenuineness, faking, phoniness, or, fear. And, amazingly and refreshingly, they discover "telling the truth is not as bad as I thought."

As the expression goes, “The Truth shall set you free." The deeper question is why so many at work refuse to allow themselves to believe that - truthfully.

(c) 2007, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. All rights in all media reserved.

Article Source: http://www.content.onlypunjab.com

Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, is co-founder of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta, GA firm specializing in coaching, counseling and facilitating. Peter's expertise focuses on personal, business and relationship coaching. He is a professional speaker and published author. For more information about his services, email Peter at pvajda@spiritheart.net.

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