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Minding Our Elders: Grief Or Relief - Which Is It?
"Carol, I'm so sorry about your dad," people told me after he died. "I'm sure you miss him." They were right. I missed him terribly. But, my dad had, effectively, died on an operating table ten years before. The man we just buried was my dad, yet not really. The pain – the grief – had started after I knew he would never again be the man who went into surgery. The pain started early on. And his death? It brought grief. But it also brought relief. The suffering was over.
Minding Our Elders: Remembering Who They Were
For many suffering from painful or debilitating disease, death is the only real relief. For many caregivers, it is the same. Often, worn down by years of attending to the needs of a loved one; years of watching the mental decline from Alzheimer’s disease or other dementias; years of watching the frustration and suffering of a once articulate parent struck mute by a stroke, the caregiver also feels relief when the suffering person dies. That doesn’t mean there isn’t grief. But it’s often mixed with relief.
Minding Our Elders: How Do We Get Dad To Participate?
What do you do with Dad when sits alone, at adult day care, and sulks? How do you get Grandma to participate in the activities the nursing home provides? These scenarios often take us back to the days when our children entered kindergarten and hid in the corner, out of shyness. But there is usually something quite different going on with a senior who refuses to participate in appropriate activities often welcomed by his or her peers.
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